My biggest problem in trying to deal with getting rid of Elizabeth, may be that i simply recall, far too fondly, what it used to mean to be happy. Perhaps that I recall what it is to be happy. Even when I was with her, I never took the sheer, unadulterated happiness for granted. I never knew what happiness could truly be till I was with her. After being so blissfully happy for so long...I had almost forgotten what it was to be sad, yet I always knew what a wonderful gift said happiness was. So when it hit me all at once...I can't say.

Granted..she got things faster than I did (she claims I was the genius and she was only ingenious..but I would argue the vice versa), but...it was so crystal clear. I had to do everything I could to be a better person for her. The way she hugged...she held on so tight..at first I was taken aback a bit... and latter..they meant so much. I had never been hugged with passion...I didn't even know such a thing existed and yet...Elizabeth did.

I miss everything...but it was the finer points that really mess with my mind. The things I try to forget and yet I can't. The way she played with my eye brows...I mean who plays with eyebrows? Elizabeth did, in the utmost caring fashion.

I once told her that she could never leave me, for she was now the ruler by which I measured all others, and no one else could ever hope to compare. Now in the years since, no one has even been even been worthy to compare let alone could possibly replace what was once my nirvana, but now only serves as my prison.

¶ 12/05/2006 06:43:00 AM

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