I think it started in a bed, I was either in a hospital or on a military bed, or so I assumed at first. Primarily because I was in bed with a guy, and in the next bed over there were two more guys. It was either a queen or full size bed....actually in hindsight it could have been a hotel.

Then there was this girl who snuck in to bed with me and, she reminded me very much of Elizabeth, but she was not. Elizabeth had a cold cynicism she would show the world, (And occasionally to myself), yet this person lacked that, but she was not Elizabeth. It's felt new, yet familiar and she rested her head in a different fashion than Elizabeth did. She wanted to have sex and was really aggressive,...but I told her to control it, that I couldn't. I'm not sure as to whether this was because of the person next to us try to sleep, or that I did not want relations with this person. Although our clothes were half off at this point. Shortly thereafter the guy next to us pops his head out and said something like "dick" implying we were ruining his sleep.

I had her sit next to me and I wanted to just sit with her in silence, try to figure things out. There was a bit of impending excitement in the air, and she sat next to me, just in front of me, a bit sexually frustrated. Just then through the door came, my father, except he was clean shaved as he was when I was younger. I asked him why he shaved? (Ironically he kept his beard only after seeing mine) He turned to me, revealing it was a goatee and made some sort of bad joke about the tears rolling down further. He seemed a bit taller and he was in a suit. Just then every one starts pouring in and just lots of family members and I thanked god they did not walk in to sexual exploits. My brother then walked in and he was also in a suit. These were not black suits, but Sunday suits of sorts. (We don't wear Sunday suits) I then introduced him to the girl I was with, (we were still on the bed) and
I said this is "Elizabeth, but not that Elizabeth". My brother is the one person in my family who knows a bit about Elizabeth, and I even left him with instructions should she show up and I'm no longer here.

I asked him what he wanted to drink and somehow orange juice came up. I had been out of town for a while (as has been the case lately) and I explained how the fridge was empty so I would see what I could do.

I then whispered in this fuax-Elizabeth's ear and asked her if she wanted to do some thing wildly domestic, that I was going to the grocery store, and if she would like to come with me. I was expecting a no, but received a enthusiastic yes. I have to admit, it did make me really happy to hear it. (The proper Elizabeth and I never got to go grocery shopping together)

I then was about to get up and tried to sneak my jeans back up under the sheets, and ran off in to the other room to zip up my fly, then I turned around and noticed the super swank place. It was very Victorian, avant guard. Very plush and rich materials. I noticed a few more people I think they were also relatives. I then went in to the hallway and saw my great grand mother (she passed away about 10 years ago) and I was about to blow her by but I then called out her title and hugged her. She was also wearing a suit though and she smiled, looked to be in good health and she hugged me, grabbed my tie (I was now wearing slacks, shirt and tie, can't recall a coat though) and she pulled me around in to the room I was in. I looked over to faux-Elizabeth and said"aren't ties wonderful?" or something to this effect and I was lead over to where the shoes were. I was trying to find my dress shoes to wear to the store and faux-Elizabeth looked up and laughed as I was being pulled around by my tie.

The recollection ends shortly thereafter, however I think of it in hindsight, and it had the overwhelming feel of a wedding. That perhaps I was the one to get married? Perhaps the reason why I didn't have sex. Although I can't say for sure. When I was with Elizabeth, I would imagine our wedding and at first, my side of the ceremony would be empty, and hers overflowing. I felt a bit self consciences about it...then I thought that perhaps there would be two weddings, then, when Elizabeth would tell me of her difficulties at home, with her father. I thought perhaps a small simple ceremony. Elizabeth said she didn't want to get married in a church, so I suggested we get married at sea.

I never imagined her in one of those long flowing white dresses, always something sleek, and contemporary, much like herself.

Sadly, I never got the chance to share such ideas with her, I may have, but not in such depths. It was not that I was afraid of scarring her off, after all I thought as a couple we were invincible, and that we could do anything together, and we would never let issues escalate as we had excellent communication. Yet, in the end, she left me in a single sentence, with no explanation, and no remorse. She went from I love you , to I can't be with you in a instant. I'm still in shock over how and the lack of why(lack of respect for what was). Although had she not moved on, I would have worried even more so. She has, and all I can be is happy for most possibly the most amazing person to have ever graced my life.

¶ 12/10/2006 03:07:00 AM

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