I’m still at the main house in CT.

I’m still in the process of evaluating how everything went. Lackluster about best sums it up. However right now, fictional fantasies provide better entertainment value than reality.

While in CT I stay in my pseudo bedroom and sleep on this uber bed. It’s a california king Hypnos. So that in conjunction with the deafening silence, pristine scenery, and incredibly fresh air/spring water on tap, dream are about to flow.


Dream 1 of 3

I was in J’s room in CT and we were centered around a movie playing on his computer monitor. He was there as was G , however to my surprise so was Elizabeth. She was a bit far back and couldn’t get a good view. However she didn’t seem interested and seemed to be looking down. She was sitting very conservatively in a very stern posture looking down. I felt as though she was upset at me and I was really at a loss.

I wanted to spill my guts and apologize for whatever it was that I may have done, however not in front of family. I wanted to do , to say so many things. I felt as though we were staying at the house. As though we had stayed for a few days, possibly weeks. On a vacation of sorts.

Either she left the room or I was about to leave the room and G walked up to me and asked what was wrong. He was talking in relation to Elizabeth. I got the impression as though I let the cat out of the bag and the entire family knew about her. As though we had gotten married at some point.

I felt a letter was the best action to take, and then slide it under her door. I can’t recall writing one, however I slid it under the door, and either one slid back out, or the same, or she had left the house. Actually, upon reviewing my notes I know recall. I came back to J’s room with the note and I was told by G that she went outside for a smoke. This was a bit hard to believe as Elizabeth’s body is a temple. She eats so well, exercises her body as well as her mind. I had a hard time believing this…yet this is what I was told. I also recall while in my room sitting down to write the note that I heard trucks outside broadcasting warnings as to stay in the house. I assume It was snowing pretty hard.

This was the gist of it. She was there , however she didn’t speak to me. As was the fashion of just about every dream I’ve had of her since she left.

The Analysis:

This scenario is almost entirely plausible. It is very far stretched , however I could really see this happening. I would only hope myself to be worthy enough for her to scoff at me. If she did ever return , I would still try to become romantically involved with her if granted an opening. I would tell everyone. I would make arrangements to spend a few weekends a year at the main house in CT. I would try to get us to escape the city here and there if she so chose to reside there.

Originally when she mentioned the CDC. I figured she would live in Atlanta and I would take the Acela down once a week if not more to visit. Weeks in Atlanta, and Weekends in NYC. Life in Atlanta, Culture in NYC. I hope I am conveying the point, or at lest the gist.

The entire dream though was filled with agony as my heart broke over the fact she was not happy and I really felt horrible. However I was so appreciative to have someone so wonderful in my life.

There is a increased amount of chatter about my marriage going on. I still refused to get married or tell anyone why (Elizabeth). However I need to find out my brothers intentions. Hopefully he will get married and have boat loads of boys. Thus sparring me from anything I do not wish to do.


Dream 2/3

This one is totally unrelated to the last, however I feel I must elaborate on this one before going on to the next one.

I was at a posh-ish school of some sorts…could have been a country club , but it had a boarding school feel to it. There was a elite society of some sort and there was a heard of media surrounding their motorpool.

They had some sort of bake sale or fundraiser, or perhaps it was just petty cash. The Prime minister of the school was designated with holding the case. I thought it a bit odd and partisan. It was announced that the case held 2 Billion (I assume USD).

There was later a group around a motorcycle with 2 members of the cult. Silver motorcycle with some sort of logo/emblem. They wore khaki cloaks. Oneof the two,a guy was pushing people aside and a girl sat upon the back of the motor bike.

They were masked and I’m guessing Australian (by the accents). Something was overheard like the motorcade was big enough for 2 cars. They then all drove off.

The Analysis:

I dunno…this was all weird and none of it made sense.

Everything was a bit off and..just weird. No idea where it all came from.


Dream 3/3 w/ Analysis

This dream I recalled a few hours after I woke up.

I should (should)include a disclosure…so consider everyone warned.

This involved Elizabeth. (I hope) It was all just reallys hot, and really erotic. Lots of grinding kissing and licking.

I was seated and Elizabeth was sitting on top of me grinding away and just really teasing me. She kept refusing me, yet kept grinding away. I am 99.9% certain it was Elizabeth by her thighs. I couldn’t always see her face because her hair was everywhere, and a bit shorter than I’m used to. However her thighs are unmistakable. They are as the rest of her, simply flawless. Softer than the softest velvet, yet so tight and firm. I miss the way she used to wrap them around my head. When she would close them over my ears they would create almost this vacuum effect. In conjunction with her screaming , it was really a wonderful experience.

This is something I can only wish to have come true in my wildest fantasies. ..One day when I feel the time is right I may fully disclose our sexual past/history. However now for some reason I feel a slightest, ever so faint bit of hope in seeing her again and thus don’t want to jeopardize anything/ dishonor her in the slightest way.



The other day someone asked me about Antarctica.
I told her the story…she then exclaimed "Viva Antarctica, Viva!" then it broke my heart when I told her the rest.

¶ 6/09/2005 02:39:00 PM //

Very well, where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly
self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and
a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute
named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he
would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes
he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that
only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical.
Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. If
I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty
standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the
age of fifteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my
testicles. There really is nothing like a shawn scrotum. At the age of
eighteen, I went off to evil medical school. From there...

---inspried by a conversation on flickr---

On the foreign front (I don’t know what else to call it)

I’m amazed at how far we’ve come on the project, I’m still at the place in the city, and going to venture out to my parents main house to see it to completion. T minus one week and counting people…

Yes I know… my time as a logistics officer is going to send me to the shrink (if I was not already certifiable for a million + other reasons) but now is my time to shine. (If I ran the world…everything would be ahead of schedule and allowances given to every fathomable error.) I will drive everyone insane, and they will never thank me, but everything will get done on time. I am going to personally oversee all the details/ reprogram all the timers/ recheck all the sensors/ go over the details with my parents security advisor…I’m going to play the role as the eldest and see to everything.

I realize after I leave everything will be rechecked as I’m simply not to be trusted…and my parents think I plot against them in tempts to gain the reins of the faction for myself…but this is sincere. It’s not that I exactly care enough about my parents to have all this be perfect…it’s just that I’ve dedicated too much effort in to the project to see it fail.

Yes, yes…I realize the oven won’t be there on time, however had I handled the oven it would have been.

Also the deal for the screen in the home theater room fell through do to complications with M. As I said before…never entrust lawyers with even the most mediocre of tasks unless you pay them upfront.

Thank god M is not my lawyer… I’d be in prison for sure. M says only the guilty use public defenders. He doesn’t understand the poverty that so many face. He doesn’t understand a misdemeanor offence in NY can cost 15,000usd if it goes to trial, he just assumes everyone can afford that. In the US it’s not innocent till proven guilty…it’s guilty until the check clears.

I also just found what I’m considering as close to as perfect of a desk. It’s in keeping with the theme of the house. Excellent workmanship, under the budget of 3,500usd I had set aside. No drawers as to promote less clutter…small-ish, simple…"very Connecticut", very nice. One problem, it’s not in Connecticut, it’s a 4-5 hour drive away.

So I head out within the next day or so and have to go pick it up then off to the main house. We still have to have the driveway repaved, and then the stairs to the deck torn down and rebuilt to match the new stone retaining walls. On top of all this…it rains Friday, (so no work) and she arrives on Tuesday. I am sure that 1-2 dozen small projects will pop up between now and then (as was the case while we were working last time).

I really regret taking so much time off now…

Better content when this is all done…I promise.
Just let all this go smoothly…

I really miss my Lizzy right around now…I could really used someone to talk me down. I try to pretend we were as in Mexico city. Her laying on top of me in a innocent fashion and just enjoying the sensation of being with each other. I then stop myself and tell myself it isn’t right I think such things about her as she wouldn’t approve. I can’t seem to sleep…4x the dosage on sleeping pills and still nothing…70+ hours with no sleep and I’m dead tired with a full day of driving tomorrow…need sleep, need Elizabeth.

¶ 6/01/2005 12:10:00 PM //